i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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