I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize