Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
