I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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