Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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