Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
