i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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