I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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