thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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