That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
