you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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