my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do herpes really smell.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
