Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Holy shit dude........stairs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
