Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Im part way to drunk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
