I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
