just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i will never coherently bang her
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
