I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
