fuck your aforementioned shoe
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
