physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he fucked my hip out of place.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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