At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
