She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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