It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
