To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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