My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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