i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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