Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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