if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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