He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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