soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
