He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
