just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
