Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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