I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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