She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
