i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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