Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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