There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
