my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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