Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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