I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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