My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
