Will you blow on my dice?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
