who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
