so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
