If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
