its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
not ubering you a puppy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
