Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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