Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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