I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
