ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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