It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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