So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
