There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
