If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
