xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
