i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
