Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize