I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize