put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
did you just send me my own nude
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
