I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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