you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So vagazzling was a success
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
