Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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