Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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