i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize