Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
