Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize