You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
