No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
