nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
