I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
