your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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