Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
