after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
