thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
